Hoppy's Bag - Filosofy

Filosofy - Yo-Yos

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Name / Nick : Weevil
Website : Hoppy's Bag (http://start.at/hoppysbag)

Yo-Yos May Seriously Damage Your Health

Yo-yos recently made a comeback in the UK. Sad, but true. Happily for us they've now made a getlost. With the comeback in mind we've decided to delve into the mass of folklore and myth concerning the marvellous yo-yo! Wow, I bet you just can't wait...

     Well, some of you may have heard the urban legend that yo-yo's were originally used as weapons in prehistoric times. This is, of course, a load of blitherwash, but here at Hoppy's Bag we rely on blitherwash so let's try to prove this stupid rumour true!!! (Wow, three exclamation points; this must be exciting...)

     OK, to aid our filosofy we're going to use a little story!

     Back in prehistoric times, a solitary caveman was busy in his cave, working out what the purpose of toes was (people think the Great Question is 'What's life all about then?' but it's really 'What the hell are these for?'). The mouth of the cave suddenly burst into intense white light.
    'Uggh!' Said the caveman, covering his eyes. A silhouette of a person appeared in the centre of the opening.
     'I Am Your God!' Said the figure, 'And I Have Brought You...' it reached into its pocket, '...This!'
     The apparition threw a cylindrical object with a tail streaming behind it to the caveman.
     'Uggh!!!' He said, and backed away.
     'Use It Well!' Said God. The light faded and the figure was gone. The caveman picked up the yo-yo and, through a spasm of intellect that has surprised many yo-yo users, discovered how it worked almost immediately.
     'Oh my, I could use this as a simply darling little weapon, of sorts,' he thought.

     [Now we get to the worthwhile part...]
     He scrambled out of his cave and hurried over to his arch-enemy's cave just a few minutes away. When he arrived he gave the yo-yo to his enemy.
     'Ugh!' [Lit: Check this out] he said. His rival took the yo-yo and tried it.
     'Ugh!' [Lit: Try and make it spin at the bottom!] said our hero. The rival, always wanting to be better than his enemies, attempted this task many times. Each time the yo-yo came straight back up and hit him hard on the hand.
     'Urrgh!' He exclaimed.

     By the next morning the rival's hand was horribly swollen.
     'Ugh.' [Lit: Look at my hand! Now I can't pick up my club because of the pain!] He explained to our friend (ooh, can we call him Cavey? Pleeaaassee!?).
     'Uhugh,' [Lit: yup] confirmed our stupid caveman, and bashed his defenceless enemy over the nut several times with his over-exaggerated club until he was a crumpled heap on the floor. Our caveman smiled approvingly.

     This explains why I bash everyone who has a yo-yo and uses it in public before they try to trick me like that. I'm not paranoid! I'm not!

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